It doesn't mean it's wrong!

So many things are going through my head right now.  I am really having a hard time processing it all.  So, I thought that maybe getting down on "paper" would help me work through it.

I know that being easily offended is not of God.  I know that He would rather I turn the offense over to Him and let Him handle it.  I know that, even when I feel I am defending Him and His people in my offensive, He would rather I not keep it and give it to Him.  It's so hard sometimes though.  But the funny thing is that I find myself being offended by the person who is doing and saying the exact same things that I, myself, used to do and say.  Maybe that is why it's so offensive to me in the first place?

So like I have said before, I grew up in church.  A small town United Methodist Church.  It was, and still is, a great church.  It is a wonderful community and, at least when I was there, was a true church family.  I made friendships there that I believe I will always have.  But, my walk with Christ was extremely shallow. I don't think that the UMC is to blame for that.  There are plenty of believers within the UMC that have authentic love relationships with Christ.  I just was not one of them.  I was, however, very in tune with all the traditions within my church.  We did things they way we did them, and there was no room for anything outside of those ways.  When I think back on my time at that church, that's what I remember - traditions.  I remember the church bulletins that outlined our services.  We sang the same songs at the same times and said the same prayers every Sunday.  After a while, the monotony takes control and all of a sudden you are just going through the motions because that's "the way we did them."  Now, don't get me wrong, there is something endearing about tradition.  I find myself missing some of those same old songs and prayers at times.  The difference now, though, is that I understand what it means to "Praise God, from whom all blessings flow" and I can sing that song in true, authentic worship of our Great God.  But back then, I didn't get it.  I had memorized that song in the early years of Sunday School, but had never taken the time dissect what it was that I was singing.  I imagine that I was not alone in that.  So, think about that for a minute.  You have a worship service run by a bulletin and filled with people singing songs they may or may not mean.  Where does the Spirit even have room to show up, much less move?  Again, there is comfort in traditions, but is there room for true growth?  One of my favorite quotes is "There is little growth in a comfort zone, and little comfort in a growth zone."  It is so true.

So, growing up in that church, listening to the organ and the chancel choir every week, the thought of drums in a church never even crossed my mind.  Then I went home with Jodie to "meet the family".  So we left NC State on a Friday afternoon and went "home" to visit with his family.  That Sunday, before heading back to school, we went to church.  They did not go to a United Methodist Church.  They went to a non-denominational church.  They had D.R.U.M.S.!  I remember getting out that that car that morning.  No one had said anything about what the church was like, so I was expecting more of my traditions.  But we got out of the car that morning, and in the parking lot I heard all kinds of noise and commotion coming from the church building.  I asked Jodie what it was.  "It's the DRUMS," he said.  "What?!?!  I can't go in there!"  It was out of my comfort zone.  It was different.  It defied tradition.  It just wasn't right!

Says who???

I did go in that church service that morning, and I witnessed something that absolutely blew my mind!  I have not been the same since.  I saw, for the very first time in my life, the Holy Spirit.  I don't remember what the sermon was about.  I don't remember what songs we sang (I didn't know any of them anyway).  But I do remember seeing God's people filled with His joy, His love, His Spirit.  It shook me.  It scared me a little even, but it also made me want more.  The next time we went "home" and went to that church, I saw something that blew my mind even more.  So here was this preacher, who had spent his time that week writing what I am sure was a wonderful message to share with the congregation that day.  But God had another plan.  God planned an extended prayer time.  And that is what happened.  It was like someone took the bulletin and tore it into shreds.  This church didn't have a bulletin, but if they had, that printed schedule of events for that service would've been null and void.  I couldn't believe it!  We went to church.  We sang. We clapped with the drums. And then we prayed.  Again, something I had never witnessed before.  Corporate unified prayer - all at the spur of the moment - all Spirit lead.

I tell you all of this so you can understand what it is that I am struggling with.  In my ignorance, my traditions, my comfort zone, and in my fear, I doubted that church and what they were doing. And I almost missed one of the biggest blessings God has ever given me.  Visiting that church, I believe, marked the beginning of my true salvation journey.  

So fast forward 13 years.  Jodie and I are married with children, and I know that I know that I know that I am a daughter of the King.  Now, I look back on all of that and can giggle a little.  And within the context of my own personal salvation story it is a bit funny, especially since I know how it will end.  But in the context of God's Kingdom, it's nothing less than scary!

Let me start by saying that I am not a fan of denominations.  The great commission did not consist of "Go and make disciples of all nations, and make sure that you divide them appropriately among the Methodist, Presbyterian, Baptist, etc. churches."  No, denominations were man-made, and in some ways, are just what Satan ordered.  We are all God's people, and the divisions between the denominations is just that - division among God's people.  It's scary, really.  And I am still guilty of it too.  It is so easy to look at another church group, dissect it (from the outside of course, cause it might hurt too much to actually examine from the inside) and what they do, and judge it as being wrong.  And Satan loves it!  He smiles every time God's people attack their own.  And everyday, we all fall into the same trap again! When are we going to get it through our heads, that God is HUGE!!!!!  His mind is HUGE!!!!!  We can't even begin to understand what He understands, or what He is doing, or how or why or when.....  And as long as we remain in our comfort zones (traditional, denominational, non-denomininational, whatever it may be), too scared to rock the boat, we will never get any closer than we are right now to understanding His ways.  Ann Graham Lotz said last night in her simulcast that God is shaking us.  And then she rattled off a long list of the ways in which He is doing it.  There were hurricanes, earthquakes, wars, economical trouble.  And the list went on.  We need to understand that God uses all things to reach all people.  He uses a traditional worship service to reach some, and He uses the more contemporary one to reach others.  And then there are those who love a little of both.  My point in all of this is simple:  Just because it is out of our comfort zone, outside of our traditions, not the way we do things, it doesn't mean it's wrong.  I say, for the sake of God's Kingdom, bring it all.....the organ, the hymns, the piano, the entire orchestra, the chancel choir, the dance and drama teams, the praise team and band (with the drums of course)...even the fog machines.  If it results in even 1 life being changed, 1 soul being saved, who are we to call it wrong?  Wake up church!  It's not about us!

Christ Paid It ALL ... FOR ALL

I have such mixed emotions this morning as I hear and read all that people have to say about the death of Osama Bin Laden.  Yes, nearly 10 years ago, he changed life in the USA forever.  Yes, I am happy that our military has been hard at work since to insure that something like 9/11 will never happen again, and I am happy and proud to be an American!  Am I happy Bin Laden is no longer an issue?  Yes, I think I am, but I can't help but feel a little sadness as well.

There have been so many posts made to Facebook about the fact that Bin Laden is now burning in Hell.  But, how are these people so sure?  Do they have an exclusive link to God that I don't have?  One that allows God to reveal to them the last moments of a person's life?  I'm pretty sure that's not the case, but I could very well be wrong.  But as I was vacuuming this morning, I thought about the fact that to God, sin is sin.  There is no hierarchy of sin.  For me, that is so hard to even comprehend.  How can sin just be sin, no matter what the offense is?  How is my impatience with my kids the same as killing 3000+ people?  Through my human eyes, the 2 don't even compare, but to God, there is no difference.  That's humbling, isn't it?  So then I think of the thief that hung on the cross next to Jesus.  Again, his sins no better or worse than my own, or those of Bin Laden. But as he hung there on that cross, he turns and says, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom." Luke 23:42  Can you imagine? This man was about to die, and he turned to Christ for forgiveness.  What happens next?  In my opinion, this is one of the greatest moments in the Bible.  "Jesus answered him, 'I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.'" Luke 23:43  Hallelujah!!! Jesus accepted him. This is so wonderful to me because, not only does it show us that our good deeds to not save us and our bad deeds to not condemn us to an eternity in Hell, it also is proof that IT IS NEVER TOO LATE to turn to God.

I came across an FB post that led me to a verse in Ezekiel: "Do I take pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign Lord.  Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?" EZE 18:23  The commentary in my Bible says the following about this verse: "God takes no joy in their deaths [the deaths of wicked people]; he would rather that they turn to him and have eternal life.  Likewise, we should not rejoice in the misfortunes of nonbelievers.  Instead, we should do all in our power to bring them to faith."

Anyway, all of this to say that it is not our place to judge the eternity of anyone, not even Osama Bin Laden.  It is important that we remember that it is never too late for a lost soul to answer God's call in obedience.  It is also very important that we remember that our Lord is sad whenever He loses a soul to the depths of Hell.  I do not know the last moments of Bin Laden's life.  I do not know where he will spend eternity.  It is my hope that in the 11th hour, he turned from his sin-filled life, and like the thief on the cross, turned to God and asked for forgiveness.

Stale, Lukewarm, Scared, and Paralyzed - It All Ends Right Now

So it's been a while.  A long while.  There have been quite a few times when I have felt an urge to journal here, but have neglected to do so.  I regret that.  I wonder if journaling on a consistent basis would've helped me not go where I am now, spiritually speaking.

I believed in God at such a young age and had always wanted to do the right thing (even though I didn't always follow through), and I thought that made me a Christian.  It wasn't until much later that I realized that believing in Him wasn't enough.  Even the demons believe in His existence.  And striving to do the right thing was not going to get me anywhere either.  It was then that I gave my heart to God and became a Christian.  That must have been in 2004 or 2005 (Is it bad that I don't remember the exact date?).  Funny how when you pray that "Sinner's Prayer" and ask Jesus into your heart that you expect some radical change in your life.  I'm not saying that there wasn't a change in me, there was, but I don't know that I would term it as "radical".  Anyway, so time goes by.  I was hungry for more of Him at first and sought after Him at first.  But time went by...

I know that it is normal to have periods of....is "dormancy" the right word?  I don't think so, but I do think it gives a decent description of those times in your spiritual life that feel stale and luke warm.  I have had a few of them, where I know there is more, but at the same time, I was just content to float through right where I was.  Then God would "wake me up" and stir my spirit, and I would enter into a period of growth.  It's a cycle for me, and from what I understand, the cycle is "normal".  But I have people in my life that ALWAYS seem to be on fire for God.  Searching for Him, expecting to see Him in every situation.  And I find myself wondering why I can't be like them.  Why do I have to have the "cycles" when they don't?  The answer - I don't.  It's not God's fault I have let myself get lazy in my walk with Him.  It's not His fault that I don't actively seek Him.   And it's not His fault that I constantly fall into the trap of letting the people around me determine the temperature of my heat for Him.  It's mine.  It's mine.

I am reminded of a verse in Revelation 3: "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot.  I wish you were one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth." I don't want to be lukewarm.  I don't want to be stale.  I don't want to be casual about my relationship with Christ.  But as I thought about this verse, satan brought on that all-to-familiar spirit of fear.  Has He already spit me out?  Is He so hurt by my apathy, that He has walked away, for good this time?  Does He really still love me?  Then I find myself feeling spiritually paralyzed, and not sure of how to proceed from here and too scared and discouraged to even try.

But my Savior comes to my rescue, and He reminds me of another verse.  This one is in 2 Timothy 1: "For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands.  For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline."  This verse really speaks to me right now, on so many levels.  Here I am in this rut; only this time, I am not content to float through it.  I know what that fire feels like inside of me and I want to feel that heat for The Lord again.  I know what needs to change in my life to get me out of this rut, but satan tries to keep me from making those changes through pride and fear.  But God (I just love those 2 sweet words!) has given me a spirit of power, which is so much stronger that any trick that satan can pull out of his sleeve.  And God has given me a spirit of self-discipline, which empowers me to make the changes in my life that need to be made.  God also tells me in Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."  He is with me right now, in this rut, beckoning me to take His holy hand and let Him help me out of the pit .

So, God, I thank you for never leaving me, even when I turn my head and heart from you.  Thank you, oh God, for loving me when I don't show the same love to you.  Thank you, Father, for being the God of second, third, fourth...infinity chances.  I pray, Lord God, that you help me out of this pit.  Protect me from satan's tricks as he attempts to keep me here.  Pull me out and draw me to you.  I want to feel the fire for you in my heart again.  Father, more of you, less of me.

True Forgiveness. What does that really look like?

So this has been an interesting day. I am finally feeling a little better after felling less than par for a couple weeks. I really hope that it stays that way and that I continue to improve.

I heard from a friend to whom I have not spoken for 4 months now. I won't go into the details of why; I will just say that we had a misunderstanding and haven't spoken since. So, needless to say, I was a little blown away when I saw her name coming across the screen on my phone. My first thoughts were, "Okay, God, what are you doing now?" Fortunately it was a text, so I did have some time to think before responding. I was hurt 4 months ago when this whole thing started, and hurt again every time I "heard through the grapevine" what was still being said about me. But, I believe the act of forgiving someone is a gift from God, not for the offender's benefit, but for that of the offended. Unforgiveness will fester in your mind and your heart. It will harden you and breed bitterness. I believe that forgiveness is a choice and that God brings healing to you after the choice has been made. The Bible tells us that God forgives our sins and remembers them no more. That is a struggle for me. I did forgive this person, and I forgive her again and again, each time I hear more from mutual friends. But forget? Not yet. But, ever since this thing started, I have tried to behave in a way the honors God. I had not done anything that I was being accused of doing, so rather that allowing myself to be pulled into a she said/she said cat fight, I didn't say a word. I allowed God to be my defender. Of course, I did not do this to perfection, but when I slipped, I did repent for it and asked for forgiveness. We have some mutual friends who continue to hear how horrible of a person I am. But, finally, someone came to my defense and put this person in her place. The funny thing is how it was done. This mutual friend described me as a "good Christian woman" who "will forgive" and move on and be friends again. That makes me giggle. I do forgive this person, but do I really want to be friends again? So that's why I ask what true forgiveness looks like. If the way I strive to live my life is driven by my desire to be a light in a dark world, my desire to show the love of God to everyone around me, don't I have to "forget" the sins against me, just like God forgets my sins against him? But how hard is it to virtually invite drama into a drama-free zone? And why would I want to do that? The reason is because Christ does it day in and day out for me. For you. For all the people who have hurt us and will hurt us. It was asked of Jesus, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times." (Matt 18:21,22)  I love when God gives me a pat on the back, confirming to me that I am primarily living in a way that makes Him smile.  But with each pat on the back, comes a challenge to go deeper still with Him, to follow Him, and to trust Him completely.  I know that God's plan for me will not take me anywhere that His mercy and grace will not protect me.  I know that He will equip me with all that I need to obey Him, to do His will.  So, if it is His will for me and this person to be fiends again I will follow Him there, and trust Him to protect me every step of the way.  And I know that through that obedience will come the ability and desire to "forget".

The other interesting part of my day comes via my chimney.  Yes, that's right.  We have a gas logs firebox.  The flues for those things are double-piped.  We have a poor bird trapped between the 2 pipes, and there is really nothing we can do about it.  I feel horrible for this poor little creature, and I really wish there was something I could do to free it before it dies.  But, truthfully, I do not see that happening.  We would have to take the entire firebox apart, or pay someone to do it.  What you don't know is that I am an animal lover and this is making me crazy!  I have heard that they can live up to a week or more.  Talk about torture!  I pray, for it's sake and mine, that it doesn't take that long.  And I also pray that it will not smell when it's all said and done.

It is now almost midnight.  My oldest daughter is over at a friend's house for her first sleepover.  My heart is breaking right now because I believe it is safe to say that she is going to last the entire night.  She is growing up way too fast.  I have stayed up this late waiting on the phone call telling me that she is coming home.  But, I think I will head to bed.  Good Night, world!

Welcome to my journey to becoming "Completely Fit"

I spend most of my time being wife to Jodie and full-time mom to Sam (5) and Georgia (2). I wouldn't have it any other way, not for all the money in the world. If I could change anything about this, it would be to be a better wife and mom. I wish I was more patient with the girls. I wish I was a better house keeper. I wish I were more efficient with my time. I wish I were more frugal. And I wish I knew exactly what Jodie needed before he even said a word. What good are hopes if they are high hopes?

I have recently developed a love for running, swimming, spinning, and just being active in general. I am in the best physical condition of my adult life, but still have so much room to improve. It's fun to me, good for me, and gives me a chance to have a few moments a day just for me.

But most importantly, I am a daughter of the King of Kings. I strive to live my life in a way that honors God and to share the love and grace that He has given me with everyone around me. That is quite a task, my friend.

So, there you have it. The purpose of the blog is to be a journal of sorts, to document the ups and downs of my journal to becoming Completely Fit. What exactly is my definition of "Completely Fit"? Well, in my mind, the person who attains complete fitness is one who is Spiritually, Emotionally, Mentally and Physically fit. That person's priorities are in order and his/her life runs like a well-oiled machine. I know that I can't get an A+ in every area of live, but I can try, and I can certainly do better that I am doing right now. Part of this journey is figuring out the art of prioritizing. I know that I want my walk with Christ to be my first priority, but that is not always the case. Many a day go by and I haven't spent anytime with Him or in His word. My relationship with Jodie should me my #1 human priority, but again, that is not always the case. Sam and Georgia are next. Then comes balancing all the other tugs and pulls in the rest of life, while still having time for me. So that's what this is all about.

Thanks for visiting. Come back soon!