I heard from a friend to whom I have not spoken for 4 months now. I won't go into the details of why; I will just say that we had a misunderstanding and haven't spoken since. So, needless to say, I was a little blown away when I saw her name coming across the screen on my phone. My first thoughts were, "Okay, God, what are you doing now?" Fortunately it was a text, so I did have some time to think before responding. I was hurt 4 months ago when this whole thing started, and hurt again every time I "heard through the grapevine" what was still being said about me. But, I believe the act of forgiving someone is a gift from God, not for the offender's benefit, but for that of the offended. Unforgiveness will fester in your mind and your heart. It will harden you and breed bitterness. I believe that forgiveness is a choice and that God brings healing to you after the choice has been made. The Bible tells us that God forgives our sins and remembers them no more. That is a struggle for me. I did forgive this person, and I forgive her again and again, each time I hear more from mutual friends. But forget? Not yet. But, ever since this thing started, I have tried to behave in a way the honors God. I had not done anything that I was being accused of doing, so rather that allowing myself to be pulled into a she said/she said cat fight, I didn't say a word. I allowed God to be my defender. Of course, I did not do this to perfection, but when I slipped, I did repent for it and asked for forgiveness. We have some mutual friends who continue to hear how horrible of a person I am. But, finally, someone came to my defense and put this person in her place. The funny thing is how it was done. This mutual friend described me as a "good Christian woman" who "will forgive" and move on and be friends again. That makes me giggle. I do forgive this person, but do I really want to be friends again? So that's why I ask what true forgiveness looks like. If the way I strive to live my life is driven by my desire to be a light in a dark world, my desire to show the love of God to everyone around me, don't I have to "forget" the sins against me, just like God forgets my sins against him? But how hard is it to virtually invite drama into a drama-free zone? And why would I want to do that? The reason is because Christ does it day in and day out for me. For you. For all the people who have hurt us and will hurt us. It was asked of Jesus, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times." (Matt 18:21,22) I love when God gives me a pat on the back, confirming to me that I am primarily living in a way that makes Him smile. But with each pat on the back, comes a challenge to go deeper still with Him, to follow Him, and to trust Him completely. I know that God's plan for me will not take me anywhere that His mercy and grace will not protect me. I know that He will equip me with all that I need to obey Him, to do His will. So, if it is His will for me and this person to be fiends again I will follow Him there, and trust Him to protect me every step of the way. And I know that through that obedience will come the ability and desire to "forget".
The other interesting part of my day comes via my chimney. Yes, that's right. We have a gas logs firebox. The flues for those things are double-piped. We have a poor bird trapped between the 2 pipes, and there is really nothing we can do about it. I feel horrible for this poor little creature, and I really wish there was something I could do to free it before it dies. But, truthfully, I do not see that happening. We would have to take the entire firebox apart, or pay someone to do it. What you don't know is that I am an animal lover and this is making me crazy! I have heard that they can live up to a week or more. Talk about torture! I pray, for it's sake and mine, that it doesn't take that long. And I also pray that it will not smell when it's all said and done.
It is now almost midnight. My oldest daughter is over at a friend's house for her first sleepover. My heart is breaking right now because I believe it is safe to say that she is going to last the entire night. She is growing up way too fast. I have stayed up this late waiting on the phone call telling me that she is coming home. But, I think I will head to bed. Good Night, world!
